Steroids Possible Factor in Glasgow Bombings

Newspapers out of Scotland report that Alex McIlveen (pictured right), a local  Glasgow taxi driver became the latest addition to a list of growing local heroes, when he confronted the bombing suspects immediately after they crashed their fuel-filled Jeep Cherokee into the Main Terminal. Upon approaching one of the suspects, who happened to be in flames due to the resulting explosion, the father-of-two did what any self-respecting Scot would do and nailed the burning terrorist right between the legs with a ferocious kick, reminiscent of anything you might see at a Celtic vs. Rangers fixture (in the stands, no doubt). Much to the surprise of the heroic cabbie, the conflagrant would-be bomber seemed to be oblivious to the blow, "he didn't even flinch," McIlveen reported. A doctor later informed Mr. McIlveen that he had managed to tear a tendon in the altercation. Unfortunately for the cab driver, he also had his Nike trainers taken, due to the impeding investigation, and received a parking fine for his troubles as well. The Daily Record reports that the terror suspect on the receiving end of this "kick felt round the world," was the Lebanese doctor, Khalid Ahmed.

Though just speculation at this juncture, one cannot rule out summarily the possibility of steroids being a factor in this incident. Typically involving long well-planned out and pre-mediated affairs which may take hours or even days to transpire;  the Chris Benoit murder-suicide case is just the latest in a series of possible "roid-rage" related incidents to have transpired in recent history along with: the judge's decision to re-incarcerate Paris Hilton, the flare-up by Rosie O'Donnell on ABC's The View, many of the actions of Robert Mugabe and Hugo Chavez, the Iraq War and of course global warming. There are, in this episode however, possible signs that point to anabolics potentially playing a significant factor. One, the erratic, impatient driving evident in the alleged terrorists' action is a common symptom of roid-rage. Furthermore, the non-reaction to a massive kick to the jimmy might be indicative of a severely shruken set of testicles, and with the added hormonal output a near obliviousness to all forms of pain as illustrated by the fact that Ahmed was still in flames at the time of the booting. It also cannot go unmentioned, as these foreign doctors worked at a local Glasgow medical facility it is quite plausible to assume that they had relatively easy access to this cholesterol derived rage-juice.  

Though toxicology reports will not be published or released for weeks even months, the steroid usage of Islamofascist groups as well as Al-Qaeda should certainly be monitored. It is also clear that Vince McMahon's avoidance of the steroid question in the Benoit case should raise some red-flags and will perhaps lead to an investigation of his overseas and possible terrorist connections. It is a well-known fact that the WWE has long had in its employ, an Iranian by the name of Khosrow Vaziri, who has gone under a number of aliases, no doubt to throw off any possible inquiries by authorities. He is perhaps best known for being The Iron Sheik, one half of the "Foreign Legion," along with Russian-wrestler Nikolai  Volkoff.     Pictured below demonstrating his famed Camel Clutch on an unsuspecting stockbroker, no doubt trying to procure funds for "charity" organizations, he has long had sympathies for the anti-US stance held by Iran. Though he was recently inducted into the Hall of Fame by longtime rival Sergeant Slaughter,  interestingly enough, on a June 18th, 2007 episode of "Monday Night RAW," the Sheik requested of Jonathan Coachmen, a representative of WWE and an associate of Mr. McMahon's as well,  that he be offered a segment on the show. Coachmen implied that he thought the idea was interesting and would take it under consideration. Perhaps this segment is payment for services rendered on behalf of Mr. McMahon for certain covert overseas operations. A further inquiry should soon be underway.

The issues here are quite subtle, but the coincidences speak for themselves. A touchy CEO with known terrorist sympathizers on his payroll subverting questions about Chris Benoit's medical history, a tendon-snapping kick administered to the likely miniaturized  testes of a potentially nonplussed but generally unresponsive candescent Lebanese doctor, a pro-Iranian wrestler asking for blood money in the form of airtime one week prior to the tragic murder-suicide of the Benoit family and two weeks before this botched bombing attempt; I don't need a needle sticking out of someone, evidence, a medical degree, or even a coherent, plausible explanation to make the connections here. There is a growing menace to the current world order and that menace has a solid polycyclic alcohol with a hydroxyl group at the 17th carbon atom, possibly alkylated, dripping out its syringe and popping out of its blister pack. 

Steroids, yesterday it was baseball records, today its Islamofascism, and tomorrow possibly world domination, if we don't stop this menace in its acne-covered tracks.